Rhodey's Day Off
by StarkObsessed
Summary: Rhodey loves his friends. He does. But he really needs to start asking before he visits. For his sanity, and theirs.


**Hey people! I'm back! **

**Do me a favor, and if you see any errors in this piece, please let me know. I don't have a beta, and I've read over this so many times that I can't see them anymore. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with Iron Man, except for a few comic books and my action figure. Credit Stan Lee and Marvel for everything. If I owned them, I wouldn't be writing on here. I'd be writing canon. **

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><p>His day had started out amazing. James Rhodes had went to base, and discovered there was no work to be done, giving him the rest of the day off. This rarely happens, given his occupation, so he decided to go out and run some errands under the bright California sun.<p>

First on the agenda, do some small chores around the house and then surfing. Check.

Next, do some grocery shopping and go see that new action movie. Check.

Lastly, go bug his friends, for lack of a better option. Soon to be check.

Upon arriving at Tony Stark's oceanic view mansion, he stepped out of the car to listen intently. Usually, explosions and loud rock music riddled the sound waves surrounding the house. Or yelling. Womanly yelling. By his bestfriend's girlfriend. You just never know.

What struck Rhodey as 'peculiar' or completely out of the norm for this particular area was the silence. Complete silence. Something must be up with the house's two occupants. Against his better judgement, Rhodey slowly made his way into the house and down the front hallway towards the voices he could hear faintly from the direction of the kitchen.

The conversation he heard soon after will forever haunt his conscious memory.

"Pepper, oh sweet Baby Jesus, that is good!" That voice was unmistakably Tony.

"Tony, get over yourself. We've done this before many times. It's nothing new." came an exasperated voice, which was obviously the ginger herself, Pepper Potts.

"Honey, you don't understand the delicacy of the situation at hand. Or more importantly at _your_ hands. This is so amazing. Earth shatteringly so. Orgasmic even! I don't think I've ever had a better flavor in my mouth before."

What the-?

"It can't be that great. I think you're over-exaggerating my skills at this."

"Pep. Pepperpot. Pepsi. Pepper-liscious. You my dear, have no self-esteem, whatsoever. I'll have to fix that when this is over. Oh Jesus. Should it be this hard? I don't think that's safe. Poke it. Go ahead. Put your hand right on it. I need you to squeeze this. Second opinions are always necessary."

Oh Lord. He needed to find an exit. Fast. This was worse than the time he walked in on his grandparents at the family barbeque in '85.

"Hm. You're right. I don't recall it ever being made this hard before. I don't know what you did differently, though."

"It looks funny, too. Here Pep, lick it!"

Yep. He's probably going to puke in that potted plant in about 5 seconds.

"Get it out of my face! I'm not licking it! _You_ lick it."

"Okay, fin- Ew! That is the worst flavor I've ever had on my taste buds! We must have not done something right!"

"It doesn't exactly come with instructions, you know. It's common sense. Besides, what do you mean _we_? That one is all you, Stark. Mine tastes absolutely fantastic. This is how its supposed to taste. Here, try mine."

"Oh wow. That tastes devine."

He couldn't take it anymore. Oh, why was the floor suddenly coming so close to his face?

With a rather loud smack, the Lt. Col. himself was sprawled across the floor unconscious.

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><p>When he came to, Rhodey about jumped out of his skin when he saw a pair of large brown eyes about 3 inches from his face.<p>

"Ah! What the hell Tony? Get off me!"

"I could ask you the same thing! Why are you in my house, passed out on the floor?"

With a rush, all the memories of the conversation he had heard moments before came flooding back into his thoughts.

"I heard... I'm not sure what I heard, but it sounded disgusting! That kind of crap is supposed to be done in private! Not out in the open where your best friend can potentially walk in and witness! I'm gonna have trouble sleeping for weeks!"

The billionaire looked at his friend like he had grown a second head.

"What the hell are you talking about? We were baking cookies, Platypus."

That can't be right. That definately did _not _sound like any type of baking he had heard before.

"Baking? But you told her to lick... And then you made her feel how hard it... And you tasted.."

Tony rolled his eyes and helped his friend up with an overdramatic sigh.

"Oh boy, and they call _me_ the one who is obsessed with sex. You pervert! I was asking Pepper to taste the cookie dough I made. I screwed up the recipe. Plus, I think I over mixed it, because I couldn't even use a rolling pin on it. Pepper's batch of dough, on the other hand, tasted amazing. Jesus Christ, you need help Rhodey."

"I'm sorry, I guess. For...I don't even know what I'm apologizing for."

Tony clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder and steered him towards the kitchen.

"Don't beat youself up. Just be thankful you didn't show up about 2 hours earlier. Then you would've _really_ be traumatized. Let's go eat some cookies. I'm starved."

The two walked into the kitchen, only for Rhodey to promptly pass out again. Seeing Pepper, who was like a sister to him, in nothing but one of Tony's t-shirts, and realizing that Tony was only wearing boxers puts an image into a person's head that one could really live without.

In his unconscious pondering, Rhodey discovered...He really needs to find new friends.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading guys! I had fun writing this, although I think I should have spent a little more time on it. <strong>

**Anyway! I promise I haven't forgotten about my other stories! I WILL update them soon. I already have some updates partially written for each, so that is good news! **

**You know the drill. Read and review. Reviews are what make the world go round. **

**Bye for now! :)**


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